February 7, 2017 by acontraryspirit
I’ve been visiting a church for a few months now. Not every Sunday, but every now and then, when I really feel the pull. When I first visited, I filled out one of those name cards and the pastor actually emailed me and set up a lunch date….what!?
That went well but I have to admit, I was quite uncomfortable at first. We said a blessing before lunch, well she said a blessing after asking if I was okay with that. And I have to admit I was mildly embarrassed. I don’t remember the last time I prayed, let alone in public. But it turned out she was really great, and easy to talk to. She drew a lot of things right out of me. And I got the coming out part done right off the bat – just to be safe. She didn’t miss a beat. Refreshing.
So I kept visiting after that, not regularly, just every now and then. But during and after the holidays I really fell out of it until this past Sunday when I went back. I was open with the pastor about how things were going and she listened, and she responded…and I have a next step.
It’s tough starting over in anything. And this to me is a lot like trying to go back home after you have a serious falling out with your family. Actually, since I’m going to a Lutheran church as oppose to the Evangelical/Southern Baptist churches I grew up in, this is a lot like going to live with your distant Aunt and Uncle after having coming out to your mom and dad who didn’t take it well…at all. So it’s new, and it’s tough to open up and make myself vulnerable again. But I think I may be starting to give it a shot.
I’m going to be introduced to a church member – close in age, social justice minded, with a little one just like I’m about to have. I don’t know if we will connect but I have hope. Maybe if nothing else, she can put me in touch with some similarly minded, similar life-stage folks who have been or might be trying to figure out the same things I am.
We shall see…more to come….