May 3, 2017 by acontraryspirit
Tomorrow our little Addie will be 5 weeks old! She’s already 12 lbs and I just cannot believe it. It’s been a wild ride so far and I’m sure parenthood will continue to change mine and my wife’s lives for many years to come.
I have to say, for as much as I feel like people talk about their kids, and as much as birth mothers talk about pregnancy, there is A LOT that either is not said or does not translate until you go through it.
For one thing – pregnancy sucks. When this all started, not only did I have a really hard time getting pregnant but once my wife conceived our first child, her first trimester was the most awful thing we’ve been through. Here we were having spent years trying to grow our family with a new, tiny human, and I was thinking all that mattered to me was my wife’s quality of life, her survival….we could live without the baby.
Yes – it was that bad.
Fast forward through the second trimester, which it’s true, should be the easiest one…and we get to the third trimester.
Not nearly as hard as the first from my side of things but aches and pains doesn’t really describe it either.
Addie was a week late. And on top of that she was a healthy, big baby. Bigger than our docs would have thought. We checked in for induction at 8 PM on a Wednesday night and 23 hours later I was following my wife’s hospital bed as she was being rushed to the OR for an emergency C-section. No one said it was an emergency that night, but I had been watching Addie’s heart rate and my wife had a terrible head cold and was feeling way too much pain considering she had an epidural. I knew something was wrong.
It is scary to be thrown a jumper, cap and slippers and told to suit up and then left in a chair outside the OR while they prep your wife for major surgery. I cried a little but I knew I needed to be strong – for what, I wasn’t sure.
Once I’m in, getting Addie out seemed like the most intense feat ever performed for this doctor. It’s nothing like what you would think, or what I thought. They didn’t just open my wife up and slip out a baby. There was pulling, and yanking, and lots of it. So much that the doctor bumped into me as I sat holding my wife’s hand behind the curtain.
Addie was stuck.
My wife felt lots of pulling and pressure. But this quickly became pain. And by the time Addie could be heard crying, the nurse had already been sent for more medicine for my wife. By the time Addie was in my arms beside my wife, the nurse had made a second trip out of the OR for a third major dose of medication and my wife was in another world. She didn’t get to experience that immediate satisfaction of holding her little one or knowing what was going on until the next day.
I was beyond emotional at the site of our baby but all I wanted to do was give her back so that I could hold my wife who had been shaking uncontrollably, crying and screaming for the last 20 minutes.
Once they were starting to wrap up with my wife, I was sent to wait in the recovery room holding Addie. I wanted to be with my wife, but someone had to take care of that new little one.
Needless to say, it took the first 24 to 36 hours for all of those medications to really ware off. I helped with feedings and took care of diapers, my wife recovering from the trauma she’d endured to bring our little one into the world.
This experience was the scariest experience of my life and I would not wish it on anyone. No one tells you it can be that scary, that you really do feel like you are walking a tight rope between life and death. I didn’t know if I was going to make it home with both of my girls that night. I am so thankful that I did.
As we settle into reality, things are going at a much more manageable pace than the delivery experience. I’m back at work for a week now and my wife has about 7 more weeks home with Addie. I am more in love with my wife now than ever, which I never thought was possible and I continue to love Addie more and more each day.
Life is crazy but it feels good to save some of it on the page. I am looking forward to the summer and the new adventures Addie will bring into our world.